A Day in Menopause · A Hormonal Comedy by Nurit Rozenblat
Chapter Nine: 14:32 — I'm Not Old. The Floor Just Moved Further Away.
At 14:32 Dana discovered that there is a significant difference between sitting down on the sofa and getting up from it.
She discovered it when she tried to pick up the remote that had fallen on the floor.
The remote was thirty centimeters from her foot.
Once, a few years ago, she would have bent down, picked it up, and gone on with her life.
Now she looked at it as if it had fallen into a well.
Dana leaned forward.
Her knee made a clicking sound.
Her lower back filed an objection.
And her right hip announced that it had no intention of taking part in the activity.
Dana straightened back up.
She looked at the remote.
"You can stay there."
Eyal came into the living room.
"Who are you talking to?"
"To the remote."
"What did it do?"
"It fell."
"And why are you angry at it?"
"Because it won't get up."
Eyal bent down, picked up the remote, and handed it to her.
"Here you go."
Dana looked at him.
"How did you do that?"
"What?"
"You bent down."
Eyal looked at her suspiciously.
"Dana, are you okay?"
"Yes. My knees just hurt."
"Both of them?"
"No. The left one hasn't gotten the message yet."
Eyal sat down beside her.
"Maybe you overdid it today."
"We walked around the shopping center, Eyal. We didn't climb Everest."
"But you barely slept."
"True. Apparently my knees slept instead of me."
Dana decided to get up.
She put a hand on the sofa, pushed herself forward, and rose carefully.
"Ouch."
Eyal raised his head.
"What?"
"Nothing."
She took a step.
"Ah."
"Now what?"
"Nothing."
Another step.
"Oy."
Eyal looked at her.
"Dana, you're making more sounds than my car when it needs servicing."
Dana stopped.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm just saying that every movement of yours comes with a sound effect."
"It's called a soundtrack."
"Why?"
"So you'll know I'm in motion."
Eyal smiled.
"So you're basically a truck reversing."
Dana turned to him.
"Do you want me to demonstrate what happens when a truck reverses without looking?"
He raised his hands.
"No. I like my legs."
In the kitchen, Dana poured herself some water.
When she reached up to the top cabinet to take another glass, she felt a pull in her shoulder.
"Oh, really!"
What now? she asked herself.
Joint and muscle aches can be common during the transition to menopause.
"The shoulder too?"
The shoulder too. Changes in estrogen levels may affect pain sensation and the tissues of the muscles and joints. Poor sleep and lack of activity can also make stiffness worse.
"But I exercise!"
True.
"I do strength training!"
True.
"I move all day!"
True.
"So why do I feel as if someone took me apart during the night and put me back together without the instructions?"
Because even active people can experience these symptoms.
Dana leaned on the counter.
"And what helps?"
Regular movement, muscle strengthening, gentle stretching, local heat when there is stiffness, and enough sleep. Sometimes it is actually prolonged sitting that makes the feeling worse.
"So if it hurts when I get up, the solution is to get up more?"
Gradually, yes. Moderate movement can reduce stiffness.
"Wonderful. My body has become a device that needs to be switched on every few hours so it doesn't get stuck."
At least it doesn't need its batteries replaced.
"Don't give them ideas."
At 14:47 Dana decided she was not going to give in.
She spread a yoga mat in the living room.
Eyal raised his eyes from his phone.
"What are you doing?"
"Stretches."
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you tired?"
"I'm tired of sitting."
"Ah."
Dana stood on the mat, raised her arms up, and stretched.
Her shoulder protested lightly, but after a few gentle movements she felt better.
She rolled her shoulders, moved her neck carefully, and then bent slightly forward.
Eyal watched her.
"That looks good."
"Thank you."
"Maybe I'll do it too."
Dana raised her head.
"You?"
"Yes. What's the problem?"
"No problem. Come."
Eyal got up and stood beside her.
"What do we do?"
"We'll start simple. Stand up straight, raise your arms, and stretch."
Eyal raised his arms.
"Nice," Dana said. "Now bend slightly forward, without forcing your body."
Eyal bent forward.
A cracking sound was heard.
Dana straightened up immediately.
"What was that?"
Eyal stayed bent over.
"I think it was my back."
"Does it hurt?"
"No."
"Then why aren't you straightening up?"
"I'm checking whether I can."
Dana looked at him.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"Get up."
"One moment."
He put a hand on one knee.
Then on the other knee.
And finally straightened up slowly.
"Nice," Dana said. "How was it?"
Eyal took a deep breath.
"I think I prefer the version where only you do yoga."
Dana smiled.
"You need to strengthen your muscles."
"I have muscles."
"Where?"
Eyal put a hand on his belly.
Dana looked at his hand.
"Those are not the muscles I was looking for."
He smiled.
"They're there. They just have a protective layer over them."
Dana continued her exercises.
Eyal sat down on the sofa and watched her.
After a few minutes she moved to an exercise on the floor.
She lay on her back, drew her knees to her chest, and breathed deeply.
The stretch was pleasant.
Her back began to loosen.
See? You don't have to stop moving when there's stiffness. Sometimes moderate movement is exactly what helps.
"I feel better."
Excellent. Just don't overload a painful joint, and distinguish between a pleasant stretch and a sharp pain.
"I know."
She stayed lying down for another moment.
And then she decided to get up.
She rolled onto her side.
She put a hand on the mat.
She tried to rise.
Her lower back resisted.
She changed position.
Her knee complained.
Dana lay back down.
She looked at the ceiling.
"Eyal."
"Yes?"
"Can you come here for a moment?"
He got up and came closer.
"What happened?"
"I need help."
"With what?"
"Getting up."
Eyal looked at her.
"But you're doing yoga."
"True."
"Yoga is supposed to help with flexibility."
"True."
"So why can't you get up?"
Dana looked at him.
"Because apparently I started from the lying-down stage."
Eyal smiled.
He held out a hand to her.
She took hold of it.
He pulled.
Dana rose slightly.
And then slid back onto the mat.
They both stopped.
Eyal looked at her.
Dana looked at him.
"You're not pulling properly," she said.
"How does one pull properly?"
"With your legs, not with your back."
"Do you want me to lift you, or to take a course?"
"I want us not to have to call an ambulance for the two of us."
Eyal stood more firmly.
Dana rolled onto her side, rose onto all fours, brought one leg forward, and used the sofa to get up.
Finally she stood.
She raised her arms in victory.
"I did it!"
Eyal clapped.
"Well done!"
Dana bowed a small bow.
"I would like to thank the mat, the sofa, and my left knee, which despite our disagreements agreed to cooperate."
Eyal clapped again.
"And what about me?"
Dana looked at him.
"You were the emotional support."
At 15:03 Dana decided to make tea.
Eyal sat down by the dining table.
"Dana, I have to tell you something."
"What?"
"I think we should do more physical activity together."
Dana turned to him.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You're willing to start exercising with me?"
"Of course."
"Three times a week?"
Eyal was silent.
"Twice?"
He thought.
"I was thinking of something more moderate."
"Like what?"
"Walking."
"Excellent."
"In the evening."
"Wonderful."
"To the restaurant."
Dana smiled.
"And how far is the restaurant?"
Eyal thought for a moment.
"If we park close, about twenty meters."
Dana put down the teaspoon.
"Eyal, that's not physical activity."
"Of course it is. We walk."
"Twenty meters!"
"Forty if you count the way back."
"And what will we do at the restaurant?"
"We'll eat protein. You said protein is important for the muscles."
Dana burst out laughing.
"You're just amazing."
"Thank you."
"You took a health recommendation and turned it into an invitation for steak."
Eyal smiled.
"I'm a practical man."
Dana sat down across from him with her cup of tea.
She felt the stiffness had loosened a little.
"You know what?" she said. "I really think we should do something together."
Eyal smiled.
"A restaurant?"
"No."
"A walk?"
"Yes."
"For how long?"
"Half an hour."
He nodded.
"Okay."
"Every evening."
He stopped nodding.
"Every evening?"
"Yes."
"Even when there's a game?"
"Yes."
"Even when it's raining?"
"If it rains, we'll do something at home."
Eyal looked at her.
"Like what?"
"Strength exercises."
He leaned back.
"I'm starting to miss your knees."
Dana laughed.
"Do you know what your problem is?"
"I have a feeling you're about to tell me."
"You think physical activity is something you do only if there's time left."
"Not true."
"Really?"
"I think physical activity is something you do if you can't find parking."
Dana almost spilled her tea from laughing.
"Eyal!"
"What? You can't say that hasn't happened to us."
At 15:17 they went out to the yard.
Dana suggested they start with a short walk.
Eyal agreed.
They circled the yard once.
And then once more.
After the third round Eyal looked at her.
"How much time has passed?"
"Four minutes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Feels like more."
Dana smiled.
"That's because you're counting rounds instead of minutes."
"I'm just trying to understand how many more times we're going to see the same tree."
They kept walking.
Dana noticed her knees felt less stiff than before.
"You see?" she said. "It helps."
Eyal nodded.
"True."
"You feel better too?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Absolutely."
Dana smiled at him.
"I'm proud of you."
Eyal stopped by the tree.
"Great. So can we finish?"
"Ten more minutes."
He looked at the sky.
Dana kept walking.
After a few steps she noticed he wasn't beside her.
She turned around.
Eyal stood by the tree, his phone in his hand.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking for something."
"What?"
"A restaurant within walking distance."
Dana crossed her arms.
"Eyal!"
He raised his head.
"What?"
"We're in the middle of a workout!"
"I know. I just want us to have a destination."
Dana started laughing.
"You can't walk without food at the end?"
Eyal smiled.
"I can. I just don't see a reason to."
At 15:29 they came back home.
Dana felt her body was a little looser.
She drank some water and sat down on the sofa.
Eyal sat down beside her.
"Well?" he asked.
"What?"
"How are the knees?"
"Better."
"Your back?"
"Also."
"Your shoulder?"
"Getting better."
Eyal smiled.
"Good."
Dana looked at him.
"And how are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He tried to put his feet up on the table.
He stopped mid-movement.
He put them back on the floor.
Dana noticed.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
She smiled.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"Does something hurt?"
"No."
He tried to change position.
His face twisted for a moment.
Dana began to smile a broad smile.
"What hurts?"
Eyal was silent.
"Eyal?"
He sighed.
"My hip."
Dana burst out laughing.
"Which hip?"
"Both."
"From the walk?"
"I think it's from the yoga."
Dana laughed so hard she had to hold her stomach.
"Eyal! You did one stretch!"
"Apparently I did it thoroughly."
She leaned on him.
"Do you know what's funniest?"
"What?"
"That I'm the one with the menopause symptoms, but you're the one who can't move."
Eyal looked at her.
"I would just like to note that I joined this activity of my own free will."
"True."
"And it was a mistake."
Dana laughed.
Eyal leaned back and closed his eyes.
"I think I need to rest."
"Do you want me to bring you something?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"The remote."
Dana looked at the remote.
It lay on the floor.
Exactly where everything had started.
She looked at Eyal.
Eyal looked at the remote.
They were both silent.
And then Dana said:
"I'm not picking it up."
"Neither am I."
Dana nodded.
"Excellent."
She reached for her phone.
Eyal opened one eye.
"What are you doing?"
"Ordering a new remote."
"Why?"
"One that's voice-activated."
Eyal smiled.
"And what will we do with the old one?"
Dana looked at the remote on the floor.
"We'll let it rest. It's had a hard day."
The time was 15:34.
Dana learned that moderate movement, muscle strengthening, and persistence can help reduce stiffness and joint pain.
Eyal learned that one stretch does not make a person an athlete.
And the remote?
It was still lying on the floor.
For the first time in the history of the house, both spouses agreed that there was no television program worth bending down for.
End of Chapter Nine.
Continued in Chapter Ten: 15:47 — Don't Touch Me, I Just Moisturized!
© 2026 Nurit Rozenblat. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without the author's prior written permission.
