A Day in Menopause · A Hormonal Comedy by Nurit Rozenblat
Chapter Eleven: 17:06 — Quiet, I'm Trying Not to Kill Anyone
At 17:06 Dana discovered that the kitchen clock had a tick.
It was not a new clock.
It had been hanging on the wall for seven years.
Seven years in which it ticked quietly, did its job, and aroused no controversy.
But today, for some reason, it sounded like someone banging a spoon on a pot.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Dana raised her head.
Tick.
Tock.
She put down the book she had been trying to read.
Tick.
Tock.
"I can't believe it."
Why? asked the inner voice.
"Because I can hear the clock."
It is supposed to make a sound.
"Not at this volume."
Maybe you're more sensitive to noise right now.
"I'm sensitive to the fact that someone is about to lose a clock."
Dana got up from the sofa, went into the kitchen, and took the clock off the wall.
She took the battery out of it.
Silence.
She closed her eyes.
How lovely.
And then a sound came from the refrigerator.
Bzzzzzzz.
Dana opened her eyes.
She looked at the refrigerator.
"Don't start."
At 17:11 Eyal came into the kitchen.
He opened the refrigerator, took out a bottle of water, and closed the door.
"What time is it?"
Dana looked at him.
"You're holding a phone in your hand."
"True."
"So look."
Eyal looked at the phone.
"Five eleven."
"Great."
He looked at the wall.
"Where's the clock?"
"On vacation."
"What?"
"I took it down."
"Why?"
"Because it ticked."
Eyal looked at her for a moment.
"Dana, it's a clock."
"I'm aware of its field of occupation."
"But why did you take it down?"
"Because my head hurts."
The smile vanished from his face.
"Does it hurt a lot?"
"Enough for me to hear everything."
Eyal nodded.
"Okay. I'll be quiet."
"Thank you."
He took a glass out of the cabinet.
He placed it on the counter.
Click.
Dana closed her eyes.
Eyal noticed.
"Sorry."
He turned on the tap.
Shhhhhhh.
Dana looked at him.
Eyal immediately turned off the tap.
"Sorry."
He opened the water bottle.
Pop.
Dana turned to him.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"Do you have to drink right now?"
He looked at the bottle.
"I'm a little thirsty."
Dana breathed deeply.
"Of course. Naturally. Drink."
Eyal poured water into the glass with exaggerated care.
Dana watched him.
He raised the glass to his mouth.
He drank.
He swallowed.
Dana looked at him.
Eyal lowered the glass.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Do I make noise when I drink?"
Dana hesitated.
"Eyal, I can hear you swallow."
He stared at her.
"What do you want me to do with the water?"
"I don't know."
"Keep it in my mouth until tomorrow?"
Dana almost laughed.
But her head hurt too much.
"Just give me ten minutes of quiet."
Eyal nodded.
He put down the glass.
And walked on tiptoes.
Dana looked after him.
"You don't have to walk like that."
Eyal turned around.
"I'm trying not to make noise."
"You look like a burglar."
He smiled.
"At least a burglar who drinks enough water."
At 17:18 Dana lay down on the sofa.
She placed a cushion under her neck and covered her eyes with a cool cloth.
The pain had started around her temples and spread slightly to her forehead.
A headache can be connected to hormonal changes during the transition to menopause, said the inner voice.
"I'm beginning to suspect my hormones get paid per malfunction."
Fluctuations in estrogen may affect headaches and migraines. But in your case, the almost sleepless night, the tension in your neck muscles, and the fatigue may also contribute.
"And what does one do?"
First of all, water, rest in a quiet place, a cool compress, and gentle movements to release the neck if they feel pleasant. Regular meals and consistent sleep can help with prevention. It's also worth noticing whether there's a recurring pattern around hormonal changes.
"And what about a massage?"
A gentle massage of the neck and shoulder muscles may help if there is muscular tension.
Dana smiled beneath the cloth.
"A massage. Finally, a recommendation I can pass on to the operations department."
She called:
"Eyal!"
No answer.
"Eyal!"
Still quiet.
Dana removed the cloth.
"Eyal!"
He appeared in the living room doorway, holding a phone.
"What happened?"
"Why don't you answer?"
He showed her the screen.
Dana looked.
On the screen was a written message:
'I'm in the kitchen. I didn't want to make noise. If you need something, text me.'
Dana looked at him.
"You're seven meters away from me."
"True."
"And you want me to text you?"
"You said you wanted quiet."
Dana put the cloth back over her eyes.
"I don't know whether to hug you or change the locks."
At 17:26 Eyal sat down behind her on the sofa and began to gently massage her shoulders.
Dana exhaled slowly.
"Oh. Right there."
"Here?"
"Yes."
He pressed slightly.
"Too much?"
"No. Excellent."
He continued with small movements.
Dana felt her shoulders releasing.
"Eyal?"
"Yes?"
"You're really good at this."
"Thank you."
"I don't say it enough."
"True."
Dana opened one eye.
"Don't start."
"I'm quiet."
He kept massaging.
After a minute he said:
"Tell me, do you know what I discovered today?"
"What?"
"That I have a muscle in my shoulder I didn't know existed."
Dana smiled.
"From the stretches?"
"Yes. I think it's angry at me."
"Give it a few days."
Eyal kept massaging.
And then his phone rang.
Not just rang.
It burst into a cheerful tune, at the tempo of a brass band that had mistakenly entered an operating room.
Dana jumped.
"Eyal!"
He pulled the phone out of his pocket.
"Sorry!"
The tune continued.
"Eyal, answer!"
"I'm trying!"
"Or silence it!"
"I can't unlock it!"
Dana removed the cloth and looked at him.
Eyal stood in front of her with the phone in his hand, trying to unlock it with facial recognition.
But the camera didn't recognize him.
He tried again.
And again.
The tune continued.
Dana stared at him.
"Eyal, why doesn't the phone recognize you?"
"Because I'm smiling!"
"Then stop smiling!"
"I'm not smiling!"
"You are!"
"I'm stressed!"
Dana held out a hand.
"Give it to me!"
He handed her the phone.
She pressed the side button.
The quiet returned.
They both stood without moving.
Dana looked at him.
Eyal looked at her.
And then he said quietly:
"I think my phone is afraid of you."
Dana tried to stay serious.
She couldn't.
She started laughing.
She immediately put a hand to her temple.
"Oy! Don't make me laugh, it hurts!"
Eyal smiled.
"I'm not doing anything."
"That's exactly what's annoying!"
A minute later the phone rang again.
This time the name Roi appeared on the screen.
Eyal looked at Dana.
Dana looked at him.
"Answer," she said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Just no speaker."
Eyal answered.
"Hello?"
Roi's voice was heard from the other side, loud enough to reach Dana.
"Bro! Tell me, are you coming to us this evening?"
Eyal looked at Dana.
She raised an eyebrow.
Eyal said quietly:
"I don't know. Dana has a headache."
Roi lowered his voice dramatically.
"Ahhh."
Silence.
And then:
"I understand."
Eyal furrowed his brow.
"What do you understand?"
Roi whispered:
"You know. A headache."
Dana sat up straight.
She reached for the phone.
Eyal took a step back.
Roi continued:
"Tell her Michal made food. Maybe it will help."
Dana grabbed the phone.
"Roi."
Silence.
"Roi, this is Dana."
"Ah! Dana! How are you?"
"My head hurts."
"Yes, I heard."
"And it really is a headache."
"Of course, of course."
"Not an excuse."
"I didn't say that!"
"And if I had needed an excuse, I would have chosen something one can enjoy."
Roi burst out laughing.
Dana smiled despite herself.
"So give Michal my thanks, but we'll see how I feel later."
"Perfectly fine. And feel better."
"Thank you."
She was about to hang up, and then Roi added:
"Ah, and Dana?"
"What?"
"If it helps, Michal also has a headache when I suggest inviting my parents."
Dana burst out laughing.
And then winced.
"Oy, Roi! Enough!"
She hung up.
Eyal looked at her.
"What did he say?"
Dana handed him back the phone.
"That he's the reason for Michal's headaches."
Eyal nodded.
"That actually sounds logical."
At 17:39 Michal called.
Dana looked at the screen.
"Oh, no."
Eyal peeked.
"Who is it?"
"Michal."
"Answer."
"I'm afraid she'll make me laugh too."
She answered.
"Hi, love."
"Dana, how are you? Roi said your head hurts."
"Yes. But it's improving a little."
"Good. Listen, I have to tell you something."
Dana closed her eyes.
"Michal, if it's funny, wait until tomorrow."
"It's not funny."
"Okay."
"Roi bought himself a face cream."
Dana opened her eyes.
"Which cream?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"He came back from the supermarket with a jar."
Dana sat up straight.
"And what does it say on it?"
Michal was silent for a moment.
"I'll send you a photo."
The phone beeped.
Dana opened the photo.
A round jar.
A green lid.
On the label it said:
Coconut cream for cooking.
Dana looked at the photo.
And then started laughing.
Not a small laugh.
A laugh that cannot be stopped.
"Oh, no!"
Eyal came closer.
"What happened?"
Dana showed him the photo.
He looked.
And then burst out laughing.
Michal continued from the phone:
"And he tells me the saleswoman recommended something rich to him!"
Dana leaned on the sofa.
"Stoppppp!"
"And the worst part?"
"What?"
"He's already applied it!"
Dana covered her face.
"Where?"
"On his cheeks!"
Eyal sat down beside her, laughing silently.
Michal added:
"And now he's asking me whether the cream needs to be kept in the refrigerator."
Dana burst into laughter.
"Oh, my head!"
Michal fell silent.
"Oh, sorry! I forgot your head hurts."
Dana tried to regulate her breathing.
"No, no. It was worth it."
At 17:51 Dana put down the phone.
She leaned back and closed her eyes.
Eyal sat down beside her.
"Better?"
"A little."
He took the cool cloth again and placed it gently on her forehead.
Dana smiled.
"Thank you."
"With pleasure."
They sat in quiet.
After a few minutes the pain really began to weaken.
Dana felt less pressure at her temples.
Her neck was looser.
And the house, finally, was quiet.
Eyal looked at her.
"Do you want me to make you something to eat?"
"In a while."
"Okay."
He got up quietly.
Dana stayed lying down.
You see? said the inner voice. Sometimes a short rest, water, and releasing muscular tension can make a difference.
"True."
And it's also worth noticing whether the pains return at certain hours, after sleepless nights, or around changes in the cycle.
"I can write it down."
Good idea.
Dana smiled.
"I just hope I'll remember where I put the list."
At 18:02 Eyal returned to the living room.
He held a tray with tea and a few apple slices.
Dana sat up carefully.
"Wow. What service."
Eyal smiled.
"I try."
He placed the tray on the table.
Dana took an apple slice.
"You know what, Eyal?"
"What?"
"I think this day is doing us good."
Eyal looked at her.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"We're spending time together, talking, laughing."
He nodded.
"True."
"And you take care of me."
"Obviously."
Dana smiled.
"That's nice."
Eyal moved closer and kissed her on the forehead.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
He smiled.
And then looked at the kitchen wall.
"Tell me…"
Dana closed her eyes.
"What?"
"Are you planning to put the clock back?"
She looked at him.
"Not today."
"But how will we know what time it is?"
Dana pointed at his phone.
"With that thing you've been holding in your hand for six hours."
Eyal smiled.
"True."
He sat down.
After a moment he asked:
"And if its battery runs out?"
Dana looked at him quietly.
Eyal smiled a small smile.
"I'm just asking."
She took another apple slice.
"Eyal."
"Yes?"
"If the phone stops working, we'll look outside and guess."
"And what if it's dark?"
Dana put down the apple.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"Do you want me to put the clock back?"
He smiled.
"A little."
Dana got up, went to the kitchen, took the clock from the counter, and handed it to him.
"Here."
Eyal looked at it.
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Hold it."
"Why?"
"Because if you want to know the time so much, you can be the clock."
Eyal laughed.
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
Dana looked at him.
"Every hour on the hour, say cuckoo."
He burst out laughing.
Dana smiled, took the tea, and went back to the sofa.
A moment later Eyal's voice was heard from the kitchen:
"Cuckoo!"
Dana raised her head.
"Eyal, it's six oh eight!"
"I'm rehearsing!"
Dana threw a cushion toward him.
She missed.
Eyal laughed.
And this time, to her delight, her head also agreed to join in.
The time was 18:09.
Dana discovered that a headache can turn even the ticking of a clock into an unbearable nuisance.
Eyal discovered that drinking, breathing, and simple questions are actions that require advance approval.
Roi discovered a new cosmetic product in the cooking department.
And Michal discovered that her husband now smells like curry.
Dana leaned back, sipped her tea, and smiled.
For the first time since the morning she felt her body was granting her a few minutes of quiet.
And then Eyal called from the kitchen:
"Dana!"
"What?"
"Do you know where I put the clock's battery?"
Dana closed her eyes.
I'm asking for just one thing, she said to the inner voice.
What?
"That a symptom of wanting a divorce doesn't start now."
That is not a recognized symptom of menopause.
Dana looked toward the kitchen.
"Apparently they didn't check enough married women."
End of Chapter Eleven.
© 2026 Nurit Rozenblat. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without the author's prior written permission.
