A Day in Menopause · A Hormonal Comedy by Nurit Rozenblat
Chapter Five: 10:23 — I'm Not Pregnant, Thank You for Asking
At 10:23 Dana stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom.
The dress she had chosen less than an hour earlier looked wonderful on her.
Except for one small detail.
Her belly.
Dana turned sideways.
Looked.
Sucked her belly in.
Let it out.
Sucked it in again.
"What is that?"
A belly, Dana.
"I know it's a belly. The question is why it looks as if it's planning an event."
She ran a hand over her belly.
In the morning it had been relatively flat. Now it was swollen, taut, and the fabric of the dress clung to it in a way that was not part of the plan.
Dana looked in the mirror again.
"I hardly ate anything."
Bloating isn't always connected to the amount of food.
"Wonderful. So now you can gain weight without eating too?"
Bloating is not necessarily weight gain.
"Tell that to the zipper."
Eyal walked into the room just as Dana stood in profile in front of the mirror, one hand on her waist and the other on her belly.
He stopped.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking something."
"What?"
"Whether I look pregnant."
Eyal looked at her.
He had been married to Dana long enough to know that this question was not a request for an opinion.
It was a certification exam.
And he hadn't studied.
"You look beautiful," he said.
"I didn't ask if I look beautiful."
"I know."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Do I look pregnant?"
Eyal examined her carefully.
"Do you want a real answer?"
Dana turned to him.
"Of course!"
He thought for a moment.
"I want a lawyer."
Dana burst out laughing.
"Coward!"
"No. An experienced husband."
She looked in the mirror again.
"I don't understand how my belly changed like that within an hour."
Eyal came closer.
"Maybe the dress shrank?"
Dana turned to him slowly.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"It was on me forty minutes ago."
"Right."
"And I haven't washed it since."
He nodded.
"Then we can rule that out."
At 10:31 Dana decided to try a different dress.
She took out of the closet a black dress, slightly looser.
Put it on.
Looked in the mirror.
"Better."
Eyal, who had already learned not to volunteer, stayed silent.
Dana turned to him.
"What do you think?"
"About what?"
"About the dress."
"Very beautiful."
"You're not even looking."
He raised his head.
"Now I'm looking."
"Well?"
"Very beautiful."
Dana crossed her arms.
"You know, sometimes I'd like you to say something a little more original."
Eyal thought for a moment.
"Exceptionally beautiful."
She laughed.
"You're impossible."
"I try."
Dana sat down on the bed and sighed.
"It's not just how it looks. My belly is really taut."
Bloating can be connected to gas, constipation, sensitivity to certain foods, and changes in the motility of the digestive system. During the transition to menopause, some women report more bloating, and hormonal changes may be one of the factors.
"So my digestive system joined the party too?"
It could be. But it's important to remember that not all bloating at this age is caused by hormones.
"And what can help?"
Check whether there's a connection to certain foods, eat slowly, drink enough water, keep moving, and address constipation if it's there. If the bloating is new, comes back often, or persists — especially if there's pain, feeling full quickly, unexplained weight loss, bleeding, or a change in bowel habits — it's important to see a doctor and not assume it's menopause.
Dana thought for a moment.
"Meaning, there's no magic solution?"
Not one that suits everyone.
"And if I go for a walk?"
Sometimes light movement can help.
Dana got up.
"Great. I'm going."
Eyal looked at her.
"Where?"
"To take a stroll."
"Now?"
"Yes."
"But an hour ago you had no strength to walk."
Dana stopped.
"Right."
"So what changed?"
"My belly."
Eyal nodded.
"Excellent reason."
At 10:42 Dana and Eyal went out for a short walk in the neighborhood.
She hadn't asked him to join.
He simply put on shoes and came.
Dana loved that about him.
Even when she was irritable, tired, or busy investigating a new symptom, he somehow managed to stay beside her.
They walked in silence for a few minutes.
And then Eyal said:
"You know, maybe it's just gas."
Dana stopped.
Looked at him.
"Excuse me?"
"Gas. You said your belly is swollen."
"I know what I said."
"So maybe—"
"Eyal, do you know what your problem is?"
"No, but I have a feeling I'm about to find out."
"You say everything you think."
"Not everything."
"Really?"
"No. If I said everything, I'd have been living in a hotel long ago."
Dana started to laugh.
He smiled.
"And besides, gas is a natural thing."
"I know!"
"Then why am I not allowed to say it?"
"Because there's a difference between thinking something and announcing it in the middle of the street."
Eyal looked around.
"There's nobody here."
At that moment a neighbor with a small dog passed by them.
"Good morning!" she called.
"Good morning!" Dana answered with a smile.
The neighbor kept walking.
Eyal waited until she was far away.
And then whispered:
"So about the gas…"
Dana doubled over laughing.
"Stop it!"
"What? Now I whispered!"
At 10:56 they came back home.
Dana felt a little more comfortable.
Her belly was still swollen, but the feeling of pressure had eased a bit.
She went to the mirror in the entrance hall.
Turned sideways.
Eyal stood behind her.
"Well?" he asked.
"What do you mean, well?"
"Is there an improvement?"
"A little."
"Great."
Dana smiled.
"Do you know what's most annoying?"
"What?"
"That I don't know how my belly will look in two hours."
Eyal thought for a moment.
"I also don't know how the stock market will look in two hours."
Dana turned to him.
"You're comparing my belly to the stock market?"
"No. I'm saying there are things that are hard to predict."
"And if it keeps going up?"
"We'll sell at the peak."
Dana burst out laughing.
"Eyal!"
"What? At least that I understand."
She laughed until she had to hold her belly.
"Ow, stop, it's pressing!"
He raised his hands.
"Okay, okay."
Dana took a deep breath.
Straightened up.
And then looked at him with a smile.
"You know what? Maybe I'll just stop checking it every ten minutes."
"Excellent idea."
"And go do something else."
"Even better."
She moved toward the living room.
Eyal followed her.
And then asked:
"Just one thing."
Dana stopped.
"What?"
"If the belly is the stock market, do I need to worry when there are declines?"
Dana turned to him.
"No, my love."
He smiled.
"Good."
"But if you keep talking, there will be declines in our married life too."
Eyal nodded.
"Understood. Stopping trading."
The time was 11:04.
Dana sat down on the sofa, took off her shoes, and put her feet up on the footstool.
She had already stopped trying to understand every small change in her body.
At least for the next ten minutes.
You know, Dana, sometimes bloating passes on its own.
"I hope so."
And sometimes it's worth tracking it and checking what causes it.
"That I understood too."
So what did you learn today?
Dana thought for a moment.
"That I need to listen to my body."
Beautiful.
"Not to panic over every change."
Right.
"And never, but never, to ask my husband if I look pregnant."
Why?
"Because if he says no, I think he's lying. And if he says yes, he needs to move out."
From the kitchen came Eyal's voice:
"I heard that!"
Dana smiled.
"Good. Then save yourself the moving van."
She leaned back.
Her belly was still a little swollen.
But at least her mood had improved.
And at fifty-one, Dana was beginning to understand that there are days when it's better to measure success by the number of times you didn't kill your husband — and not by the circumference of your waist.
End of Chapter Five.
Continued in Chapter Six: 11:23 — I Know You. Just Don't Ask Me From Where.
© 2026 Nurit Rozenblat. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without the author's prior written permission.
