A Day in Menopause · A Hormonal Comedy by Nurit Rozenblat
Chapter One: 03:17 — Who Turned On the Oven?
At 03:17 in the morning, Dana woke up feeling that someone was trying to cook her.
Not metaphorically. Actually cook her.
Her back was wet, the pillow was damp, and her shirt clung to her body as if she had just come out of the washing machine before the spin cycle.
She reached out a hand to her husband.
Dry.
Of course he was dry.
He slept beside her with the serenity of a man who had never had to change his pajamas in the middle of the night because of a hormonal system that had decided to resign without prior notice.
Dana removed the blanket.
Hot.
She took off her socks.
Still hot.
She opened the window.
Hot.
She turned on the air conditioner to 18 degrees.
Her husband stirred.
"What are you doing? It's freezing in here."
"I'm burning."
"Then take off the blanket."
Dana looked at him.
She had three possible answers. Two of them could have ended in a police investigation.
She chose silence.
And then, just when it seemed her body had finished its fire show, came the cold.
Not a pleasant coolness.
The cold of a morgue.
She pulled the blanket back over herself, turned off the air conditioner and burrowed under the duvet.
"Now are you hot or cold?" her husband asked with his eyes closed.
"Yes."
"What do you mean, yes?"
"Yes to both. Go to sleep."
And here, if Dana had a wise voice accompanying her, it would have intervened.
Dana, what you are experiencing is called a hot flash. During the menopause transition, changes in estrogen levels affect the temperature-regulation mechanism in the brain. The body may react to a small change in temperature as if it had overheated. The blood vessels in the skin expand, sweating appears, and after it sometimes comes a feeling of cold.
Dana would have answered it, of course.
"Wonderful. So my brain thinks I'm in an oven, my body turns on the sprinklers, and in the end I freeze. Is there a department where I can file a complaint?"
You can start with a fan by the bed, light clothing and blankets in layers. It is also worth keeping within reach a cool towel or a cooling pack wrapped in cloth, which can be placed briefly on the neck or chest. This may ease the feeling of heat, even if it does not necessarily stop the flash itself.
"What you're saying is that I need to prepare an emergency kit by the bed?"
A fan, cold water and a cooling pack. No need to call in a rescue team.
"Am I a woman in menopause or a nuclear power plant?"
At the moment you are behaving like a nuclear power plant without a cooling system.
"Very funny."
And if hot flashes regularly disturb your sleep, there are also effective treatments, hormonal and non-hormonal, that can be adapted to your condition.
"I want a treatment that will make my husband sweat instead of me."
That one does not have FDA approval yet.
Dana got up to change her shirt.
On the way to the closet she stepped on a shoe, bumped into a chair, and quietly cursed everyone who had ever told her that fifty is the new forty.
The new forty?
At forty she was able to sleep eight hours straight, wake up with reasonable hair, and remember why she had entered a room.
Now she stood in front of the closet, in the dark, trying to remember what she had come to take.
Oh, a shirt.
She opened the drawer and took out yoga pants.
She looked at them.
"What the hell?"
She put them back and took out a bra.
"No."
On the third attempt she found a shirt.
A small victory.
She went back to bed and looked at the clock.
03:29.
If she fell asleep immediately, she would have almost four hours of sleep left.
She closed her eyes.
And suddenly she remembered a message she had sent a friend three days earlier.
Had she sounded unkind?
Maybe the friend was offended.
Maybe that was why she hadn't replied.
Actually she had replied.
But only with a heart.
Why only a heart?
What did it mean?
Was she angry?
Dana opened her eyes.
03:41.
Dana, hormonal changes, sleep disturbances and mental stress can affect mood and the ability to relax. Your brain does not have to solve right now every relationship you have managed since high school.
"I'm not solving. I'm just thinking."
You've been analyzing a heart emoji for twelve minutes.
"Because the color has meaning."
It was red.
"Exactly."
At 03:56 Dana decided to try breathing exercises.
She inhaled deeply.
Exhaled slowly.
Inhaled again.
Exhaled.
And then she felt heat rising again from her chest to her neck.
"No. No. No. Not now!"
She threw off the blanket.
Her husband woke up.
"Again?"
"No, I'm just doing a dress rehearsal for summer."
He turned to the other side.
Within a minute he was already snoring.
Dana stared at him in amazement.
How did he do that?
How can a person wake up, hold a conversation, complain about the air conditioner and go back to sleep within sixty seconds?
She was willing to pay a lot of money to get that ability.
Even more than she paid for her face cream.
Dana, you know that regular physical activity can help sleep quality, mood and general health during the menopause transition.
"I do physical activity."
True. And that is excellent. Strength training, aerobic activity and regular movement are important for maintaining muscles, bones and metabolic health. But they have not been proven as a direct and consistent treatment for hot flashes.
"So why are you telling me this at three in the morning?"
Because you're awake.
"An annoying answer."
And while we're on maintenance, it is also worth making sure you are getting enough vitamin D.
"I take D3 with K2."
Vitamin D is important for bone and muscle health, and vitamin K is involved in processes related to bone proteins. But there is no established clinical evidence that the combination of D3 with K2 prevents or treats hot flashes. And it is important to know that K2 may interfere with the activity of medications such as warfarin.
"Meaning, I need a fan, ice, weights and supplements just to get up in the morning?"
No. To get up in the morning you mainly need to sleep at night.
"Excellent. Explain that to my hormones."
At 04:12 she took her phone.
A mistake.
She searched: "night sweats at age 51".
Within three minutes she had read about hormonal changes, thyroid problems, infections and a variety of other conditions that the internet knew how to present in a particularly frightening way.
Dana, night sweats are common during the menopause transition, but not every sweat is caused by hormones. If it is a new or unusual phenomenon, or accompanied by fever, unexplained weight loss or other worrying symptoms, you need to be examined. An internet search is not a diagnosis.
"I know."
Then why did you open an article about a rare disease?
"Because it said 'ten signs you must not ignore'."
And you are currently ignoring the one clearest sign.
"Which one?"
That you need to sleep.
Dana put down the phone.
Closed her eyes.
Turned right.
Left.
On her back.
On her stomach.
Back to the right.
The pillow was hot.
She flipped it over.
The other side was hot too.
"That's it. I need a refrigerator for pillows."
At 04:38 she fell asleep.
At 06:45 the alarm clock rang.
Dana opened one eye.
She felt as if she had spent the night moving furniture, taking part in a legal debate and completing a marathon in the desert.
And the day had not even started.
She reached out to turn off the alarm, but instead pressed something that opened the front camera.
Her face appeared on the screen.
Wild hair.
Puffy eyes.
Pillow marks on her cheek.
She looked at herself for a few seconds.
"Who is that?"
That's you, Dana.
"It can't be. Yesterday I looked better."
Yesterday you slept more.
Dana got out of bed.
"I need coffee."
Maybe a glass of water first.
"I need coffee."
Caffeine can worsen hot flashes in some women, and especially when consumed late in the day it may harm sleep. You can check whether it affects you too.
Dana stopped at the bedroom doorway.
"Listen to me carefully. I am fifty-one years old, I slept three hours, I sweated through two shirts, I almost got divorced twice, and now you want to take my coffee too?"
I didn't say take. I said check.
"Fine. Then check quietly."
She went down to the kitchen.
Her day had begun.
And the hormones?
They had already been at work overtime.
End of Chapter One.
Continued in Chapter Two: 07:03 — The Brain Is Currently Unavailable.
© 2026 Nurit Rozenblat. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without the author's prior written permission.
