A Day in Menopause · A Hormonal Comedy by Nurit Rozenblat
Chapter Eight: 13:32 — My Heart Is Pounding. And It Has Complaints.
At 13:32 Dana and Eyal came back home.
Dana took off her shoes, put her bag on the chair, and sat down on the sofa.
She was pleased with herself.
Despite the terrible night, the swollen belly, the brain fog, and the unfortunate incident with her bladder, she had managed to leave the house, spend time with her husband, and even accidentally sign up for a theater evening.
For one Saturday, that was an impressive achievement.
Eyal came into the living room with two glasses of water.
"Here, drink."
"Thank you, love."
He sat down beside her.
For a few seconds there was a pleasant quiet.
And then Dana felt it.
A strong thump in her chest.
And another.
And then several fast thumps, as if someone had decided to switch on a washing machine inside her, on spin.
She put a hand on her chest.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"My heart is pounding."
Eyal looked at her.
"Good."
Dana turned her head to him.
"Good?"
"Yes."
"That's what you have to say?"
He looked confused.
"Dana, I'm not a doctor, but usually we want it to pound."
"Not like this!"
Eyal immediately put down his glass.
"What do you mean, not like this?"
"It's pounding fast. Suddenly. For no reason."
Eyal moved closer to her.
"Does anything hurt? Is it hard to breathe? Are you dizzy?"
"No. Just the pulse."
"Okay. Let's sit quietly for a moment."
Dana looked at him.
"We're already sitting."
"Right."
He straightened up.
"Then we'll continue."
Dana leaned back and tried to feel her pulse.
It was still noticeable, though it had already begun to slow down.
Eyal watched her with concern.
"Do you want me to measure it for you?"
"Measure what?"
"Your pulse."
"You know how to measure a pulse?"
"Of course."
He took her wrist and placed two fingers on it.
Dana looked at him.
Eyal looked at his watch.
Silence.
More silence.
And then he said:
"Sixty-eight."
Dana blinked.
"What's sixty-eight?"
"Your pulse."
"Already?"
"Yes."
"Eyal, you counted for ten seconds."
"Right."
"So how did you get to sixty-eight?"
"I multiplied."
"By how much?"
He was silent.
Dana looked at him.
"Eyal."
"What?"
"By how much did you multiply?"
"Approximately."
Dana pulled her hand away.
"I prefer my pulse without your mathematical interpretation."
"What's the problem? You wanted me to measure."
"Yes, but not by the guessing method."
Eyal smiled.
"Okay. I'll bring the smartwatch."
"Yours?"
"Yes."
"But it's fitted to your wrist."
"I'll put it on you."
Dana looked at him.
"You know what? Maybe let's just let my heart finish its performance."
Dana, do you feel your pulse has calmed down?
"Yes. A little."
A feeling of strong, fast, or irregular heartbeats is called palpitations. Some women experience it during the transition to menopause, sometimes alongside hot flashes.
"Meaning, my heart is also taking part in the hormonal show?"
Sometimes hormonal fluctuations can affect this feeling. Caffeine, stress, dehydration, and lack of sleep may also contribute.
"I slept less than an hour straight, I'm tired, and all day my body is running experiments. I assume I'm a suitable candidate."
That may be. But you shouldn't assume new heart palpitations are caused only by menopause. If they recur or continue, the cause needs to be investigated. And if they come with chest pain, shortness of breath, fainting, or severe dizziness, seek urgent help.
Dana thought for a moment.
"And what can help me now?"
Sit comfortably, breathe slowly, drink water if you're short on fluids, and notice whether caffeine worsens the feeling. In the long run, better sleep and less stress may help.
"Better sleep. That recommendation again."
I know.
"Can you maybe talk to the sleep department? Because it seems the heart department and the sleep department are not coordinated."
Judging by last night, the climate-control department isn't functioning either.
Dana smiled.
"Finally someone understands me."
At 13:41 Dana's pulse already felt normal again.
Eyal, on the other hand, was still wandering around the living room.
He picked up his smartwatch, put it down, picked up his phone again, and looked at her every few seconds.
"Eyal, sit."
"I'm sitting."
"You're standing."
"Right."
He sat down.
Dana looked at him.
"Are you stressed?"
"No."
"Eyal."
"A little."
"Why?"
"Because you said your heart is pounding fast."
"But now it's fine."
"Good."
He was silent for a moment.
And then asked:
"Are you sure?"
Dana smiled.
"Yes."
Eyal took a deep breath.
"Good."
A few seconds later his watch beeped.
He looked at it.
Dana raised an eyebrow.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"What's nothing?"
"The watch."
"What does it say?"
Eyal looked at the screen again.
"That my pulse is high."
Dana burst out laughing.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"How much?"
"A hundred and twenty."
Dana looked at him with open delight.
"Ah, so now you understand how it feels."
"I probably got stressed."
"From what?"
"From you!"
Dana started laughing.
"What did I do?"
"You said your heart is racing!"
"And your heart decided to join?"
"Apparently."
Dana leaned back on the sofa.
"Eyal, we need to separate accounts."
"Which accounts?"
"The heart ones. I'm not willing for every symptom of mine to be charged to you too."
He laughed.
The watch beeped again.
Eyal looked at it.
"Now it tells me to breathe."
Dana smiled.
"Nice. Finally there's someone else in this house giving you instructions."
At 13:47 Eyal decided he needed to calm down.
He opened a guided breathing exercise on his phone.
A calm female voice came out of the speaker.
"Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly."
Eyal closed his eyes.
Dana looked at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Breathing."
"Until now you didn't breathe?"
"Shhh."
The voice continued:
"Feel how the body releases all tension."
Eyal breathed in.
Held.
Breathed out.
Dana tried to join.
A moment later the phone said:
"Imagine you are on a quiet beach."
Dana closed her eyes.
A beach.
Waves.
A pleasant breeze.
Warm sun.
And then Eyal whispered:
"Are there jellyfish there?"
Dana opened her eyes.
"What?"
"On the beach. Are there jellyfish?"
"Eyal, it's an imaginary beach."
"I know. I'm just asking."
Dana looked at him.
"You can imagine a beach without jellyfish."
"Ah, good."
The voice continued:
"Let every thought pass by like a cloud."
Eyal whispered:
"I prefer sun."
Dana covered her mouth.
"What?"
"If we're already imagining, why clouds?"
Dana started laughing.
"Eyal, stop talking!"
"I'm just saying."
"You're supposed to relax!"
"I am relaxed!"
His watch beeped again.
Dana pointed at it.
"Your watch doesn't agree."
Eyal opened his eyes.
"You know what? I think this app is stressing me."
Dana laughed.
"Maybe because you're negotiating with the weather."
Eyal turned off the app.
"That's it. I give up."
"On breathing?"
"On guided breathing. I'll keep breathing on my own."
"A brave choice."
He put down the phone.
Dana moved closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder.
"You know, love, you're really cute when you worry about me."
Eyal smiled.
"I always worry about you."
"I know."
They sat in silence.
Dana listened to his breathing.
Eyal stroked her hair.
For a moment it seemed the day had finally calmed down.
And then his watch beeped again.
Dana raised her head.
"Now what?"
Eyal looked at the screen.
"It says I'm stressed."
Dana smiled.
"Tell it you're married."
Eyal burst out laughing.
"I think it already knows."
"Why?"
"Because every time you say 'Eyal, we need to talk,' it asks if I want to call for help."
Dana laughed.
"You're exaggerating."
"Really?"
"Of course."
Eyal smiled.
"Then maybe I'll show you the data."
Dana sat up straight.
"What data?"
"The watch keeps my pulse throughout the day."
"Well?"
Eyal opened the graph.
He looked at it.
And then started to smile.
Dana came closer.
"What's funny?"
"Look."
On the screen appeared several sharp rises in pulse.
Eyal pointed at the first one.
"Here you asked me if you look pregnant."
Dana burst out laughing.
He pointed at the second.
"Here you discovered you're going to act in the theater."
"Right!"
"And here you told me you can't control your bladder."
Dana laughed even harder.
Eyal kept scrolling.
"And here, here you told me your heart is pounding fast."
Dana looked at the graph.
"Wow."
"What?"
"You have a medical record of our marriage."
Eyal nodded.
"And we haven't finished the Saturday yet."
Dana leaned back and laughed.
"You know what? I think you should stop wearing that watch."
"Why?"
"Because if anyone sees your graph, they'll think you work in search and rescue."
Eyal smiled.
"I really do work in search and rescue."
"Oh, yes?"
"I rescue myself from conversations with you."
Dana threw a cushion at him.
He caught it.
The watch beeped.
They both looked at it.
Eyal sighed.
"Again."
Dana started laughing.
"Eyal, I think your watch needs treatment."
He took it off and put it on the table.
"That's it. It's over."
"What's over?"
"I'm no longer willing for a small device to track every time you scare me."
Dana smiled.
"So how will you know you're alive?"
Eyal looked at her.
"I'm married to you. There's no chance I'll miss it."
The time was 14:03.
Dana felt well.
Her pulse was calm.
Eyal no longer checked the watch.
And the living room was once again a place where you could sit without electronic devices expressing an opinion on the state of the marriage.
Dana put her feet up on the sofa.
You see? Sometimes a few minutes of rest and calm breathing can help.
"Right."
And laughter too.
"Absolutely."
Although in Eyal's case, laughter apparently raises the pulse.
Dana looked at her husband.
He sat beside her, calm at last.
"Eyal?"
"Yes, love?"
"Do you know what I thought?"
He closed his eyes.
"No. But I can feel my pulse rising."
Dana smiled.
"I think we should do something romantic this evening."
Eyal opened his eyes.
"Really?"
"Yes."
He straightened up.
"How nice."
Dana smiled at him.
"What do you say to a candlelit dinner?"
"Sounds excellent."
"And good music?"
"Of course."
"And just the two of us?"
Eyal smiled a wide smile.
"I'm in."
Dana moved closer to him.
"And maybe afterwards…"
Eyal looked at her expectantly.
"Yes?"
"…we'll go to sleep early."
He leaned back.
Dana burst out laughing.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Are you disappointed?"
"No, no."
"Sure?"
Eyal looked at the watch he had put on the table.
"I'm just glad I took it off in time."
Dana exploded with laughter.
The time was 14:07.
Dana had already been through eight symptoms in less than eleven hours.
Eyal, in contrast, suffered from only one symptom.
His wife.
And according to his smartwatch data, it was a chronic condition.
End of Chapter Eight.
Continued in Chapter Nine: 14:32 — I'm Not Old. The Floor Just Moved Further Away.
© 2026 Nurit Rozenblat. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without the author's prior written permission.
